Dear Future Hubby,
The only other reason for sarcasm
I like to talk. A lot. Probably a little too much if I’m talking about something I’m excited about. Or passionate about. Or my job. Get me talking about the latest celebrity gossip and you probably won’t get me to shut up for hours. Or today’s Oscar nominations? Yeah, I’d rather not continue to discuss my displeasure over the lack of nominations for Drive because it’s already been a very difficult and trying morning with that news. But oddly enough, for as much as I like to talk, and for as much as I fear I babble, it takes me a while to open about myself and my life.
Opening up about anything other than general pleasantries and mindless chit chat is about the same as breaking one of the three rules of jinxing. But hell, if you’ve already broken those, I guess this would be the unwritten fourth rule of jinxing. I always fear that opening up about my thoughts, my feelings, my life, my background, makes everything real. You can learn so much about a person from those things. Their fears. Their loves. Their weaknesses. Their hatreds. Their passions. Their faults. At the end of the day, what really just makes them tick and why they are the way they are. You expose all of those and you have nothing left to hide behind anymore. Everything is laid out on the table and the only thing you can think is “Oh my god, what if he knows all of this, thinks I’m crazy, and bolts.”
As terrifying as that may be, at some point you’re either going to have to do it or face being alone. At some point, there will be that one person where you end up sitting there, fighting internally with yourself because you know if you don’t let down those walls, you’ll lose them. And the pain and discomfort of losing them may just in fact be more terrifying than having to share your life story, share why you don’t get along with your father or your mother, why you are a workaholic, or what your biggest pet peeve is, etc.
It probably doesn’t help much that I’m ridiculously sarcastic and getting a non-sarcastic word in edgewise can be difficult. But at the end of the day, remember that the main reason for sarcasm is that it is a defense mechanism. The more sarcastic I am, the less I have to open up and talk about other things. The more I’m able to just skim the surface and hand out the sugar coated version. Newsflash. Nothing sugar coated is every real. There’s always more to the story, if you really want to take the time to find out about it.
So if you’re really interested, if you really care and want to get to know me, just ask. Act interested. Act like you care. The sooner you accomplish that, the sooner I’ll let my walls down and let you into my world, even if I’m still absolutely terrified and scared shitless to do so. If I didn’t deep down really want to let you in, I wouldn’t be on this merry-go-round in the first place.
Xo,
Your Future Wife
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