Dear Future Hubby,
I’m all about the technology. I have three computers: one personal laptop, one work laptop, and one work desktop. I have two blackberrys: one personal, one work. I’ve always been someone who has to be connected at all times. Shove me in a foreign country with no internet or cell phone and I kind of freak out. Believe me, when I found out Coolclogher House got wireless last time I went to Ireland, it was like Christmas. Twitter, Facebook, Gmail, CNN, Google, FourSquare, Perez, my life would be empty without them all. You would think with how much I love being connected, I would love everything on the internet. But the one thing I just cannot wrap my head around is internet dating.
Don’t get me wrong. I know tons of couples who have met through the internet, I have tons of friends who are dating through online sites, but hell, if I have to hear again from E-Harmony about how one out of every five couples meets online, I might just scream. I get it. It’s a fantastic way to meet people…if you aren’t me. So don’t be surprised if you don’t meet on on match, e-harmony or okcupid. I won’t fault you for being on those sites because I get it. We all spend more time with computers than we do with our significant others. But as much as I would love to be all on board with the whole internet dating thing…it kind of freaks me out.
Trust me, I’ve tried. I really have. I’ve done match and okcupid and been on dates and clearly none of them were game show worthy love connections. I also have major social anxiety about going out with someone I’ve met online and even if I do walk through that wall of fear, I find myself feeling really freaked out when the dates over and I’m driving home from Olive Garden or PF Changs. I’ve done it enough times to know that it’s always going to end up the same way. The guy could be pretty nice, but just something about the entire “I met you online” fact makes me cringe/squirm/want to take a really hot shower. So I’m sorry to disappoint you, but you’re probably going to have to meet me the old fashioned way. We’re talking a bar, a party, through a mutual friend, etc. I want to get to know someone in person before I actually commit to going out with them. An online profile and blurry/cropped/pixelated photo from 1997 doesn’t always give the best first impression. I don’t need daily emails telling me if someone has chosen me on QuickMatch or who’s new in my neighborhood. I already get enough emails a day and I’d prefer that they aren’t trying to set me up with someone when I really should be worrying about the important ones. The more I get them, the more it freaks me out, and the less I care to actually read them and be interested in who they are presenting me with.
Unless the world of online dating changes in some drastic way like giving me super specific kick ass options like “I prefer a guy with an accent,” “I prefer a guy who is from a foreign country,” “I prefer a guy that understand how hilarious the 1970s Pippi Longstocking movies are,” “I prefer a guy that can quote Wayne’s World AND the Sandlot,” or “I prefer a guy who wants to get married in Ireland at a week long celebration called Gaelic Gala” then I don’t think I’m going to hop back on the band wagon any time soon. I was always trying to hang on to the back of it as it rolled down the street anyway. I think it’s time to let go, at least for now, and try and find you on my own terms, rather than feeling that this is the “best” way to meet someone now. It may be best for some people, just not me.
I would also just like you to know that as I wrote this, someone on OkCupid sent me an “Ice Breaker.” Excuse me while I go press the delete button.
Your Future Wife