Dear Future Hubby,
Please let me interrupt your current game of Draw Something or Scramble with Friends to bring something to your attention. That contraption you are playing games on, texting on, facebooking on, depositing checks on can actually be used as a form of verbal communication. I know your mind has been completely blown, right? Back in the day when we were in middle school, carrying around pager, or gasp, even when our parents and grand parents were our age, telephones were used for one thing and one thing only. Talking to someone else. It’s a crazy concept I know, but maybe it’s something you should try and remember from time to time.
I’ve been (un)fortunate enough that past two guys I’ve gotten semi-involved with have been so anit-calling that I firmly believe it partly led to the relationship going absolutely nowhere. When all you do is text with something, there is a level of personal connection and even a level of intimacy that is completely lost. There are some things and feelings that can really only be achieved by talking to someone, whether it’s on the phone or in person. I’ll hand it to Number 1, he actually made an effort to call a couple times, but as time went on, the less he called, the more he texted and soon enough, there was nothing left. Number 2 actually turned out to be just like Number 1, but on a whole different level. He wouldn’t even entertain the idea of talking on the phone. If I wasn’t seeing him in person, he would text me. That’s it. Nothing else.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m totally one of those people that would much rather text than talk on the phone simply because it’s just easier and less time consuming, but sometimes you just need to hear that person’s voice. Texting them day in and day out only solidifies one thing. You’re having a relationship with your phone, not a person. Sure, you may be talking to them every day, but you’re not really communicating with them. Texting keeps just one extra wall up between two people that sometimes works as a disadvantage. It takes away something personal about the conversation. Humor, sarcasm, intention, inflection, are all things that can be lost when texting is your only form of communication. Pretty soon, you’re in some massive fight because he didn’t get that you were trying to be sarcastic or you didn’t get that he really was just busy with work and not ignoring your text.
Two weeks ago, I went on what I’d actually say was the best first date I had been on in probably a year (sidenote: we never ended up going on a second date, but oh well) and before we went out, he called me. He actually picked up the phone, called me, and we sat on the phone talking to each other for an hour and a half just getting to know each other. Sure, I was nervous and terrified I’d stick my foot in my mouth, laugh awkwardly, or say the wrong thing, but there was something refreshing about having a guy call just to talk. While we never went on that second date, he definitely earned points in my book for being man enough to realize texting is not the only form of communication.
So do yourself a favor and pick up the phone every once and a while. We don’t have to talk for an hour and a half like Mr. Awesome First Date, but sometimes it’s nice just to hear the other’s person voice, know that they are there, and that they are paying attention to and connecting with you on a personal level, if only for a few minutes
Your Future Wife