Tag Archives: Dating

Rules of Relationship Jinxing

9 Jan

Dear Future Hubby,

Don't screw this up for me

You should probably be informed that I am very superstitious about relationships.  Really, when it comes down to it, it just means I’m ridiculously pessimistic about them (despite being a hopeless romantic – I like to blame romantic comedies for that). I have a very hard time believing or trusting that anything good can happen to me relationship-wise.  You can all go hate on Double Threat for causing that psychological issue.  Go ahead. Go yell at him. I’ll wait.

Sure, every once a while, a guy comes along to prove my entire theory wrong, but every time something does go wrong, I tend to equate it to breaking one of three rules below. I call these the Rules of Relationship Jinxing.  If I don’t want to jinx a relationship, I hold out as long as possible before breaking any of the three rules, because in my personal relationship history, I’ve discovered that breaking them just leads to disappointment.

1. Do NOT add a boy to your contacts to early in getting to know him. This is my major jinx rule because inevitably, it won’t work out and you have him sitting in your contacts as a reminder that it didn’t and  you’re still single. By just leaving him a number in your text messages and recent call list, he’s a nameless person. I have added several guys to my contacts before I should have and by doing so, I totally jinxed any future chance with them. Case in point? I once added a guy to my contacts who seemed like a sure bet and less than 12 hours later, he texted to say he had to reschedule our date. Yeah. He never reschedule and I immediately took him out of my contacts.

2. Do NOT tell your friends about him. Again, this is just giving the universe a reason to say “fuck you” and screw you over in the relationship department.  By telling my friends about a guy, you’re clearly invested in this relationship (or whatever it may be at that point) and you want your friends to be too. But what happens if it doesn’t work out? You not only have to live with the knowledge that if didn’t work out and possibly deal with your friends asking about him, bringing him up, and wondering (just like you are), why the hell you can’t just manage to have a normal relationship.

3. Do NOT tell you family about him. This is the last stronghold of the rules. This is way worse than telling your friends about a potential new guy because if you’re like me and single at 28, you’re already pressured enough by your family as to who you’re dating, when you’re getting married, etc. It’s bad enough that I have my 10 year old sister asking me when I’m getting married so she can be a bridesmaid. but having your parents or other family members ask on a continuous bases? Yeah. Nothing screams Christmas dinner fun more than being asked if I have a “hankering” for any boys. Side note: Don’t be friends with too many family members on Facebook, because then they’ll just ask you if every boy you’re pictured with is your new boyfriend. No, this is not 1955. I can have guys friends.

Get me to feel comfortable breaking one, two or hell, even all three of those rules means I must actually trust you and like you enough to risk being disappointed if and/or when it doesn’t work out. If you want any shot of being future hubby, this quite possibly might be your first test and one of the hardest. I definitely still have guys that I refuse to add to my contacts even after I’ve gone out with them several times.

Consider this your mission. And don’t do anything else to jinx our relationship in the meantime, cause shit, if you’re getting me to break all these rules I have, I don’t even want to know what it’s doing to my relationship karma.

Xo
Your Future Wife

Seriously, get your shit together

28 Dec

Dear Future Hubby,

Let’s get one thing straight. I’m a pretty picky girl when it comes to the guys I date. You’ve got to really impress me or win me over to get me to even agree to go out for a drink or coffee with you. Sure, I may be limiting myself, but at the same time, I know what I want and I know who I’m going to be comfortable with. But no offense, if you still live with your parents, have never paid rent, and at the age of 28 are just now getting your first job, I’m going to go “Seriously? WTF?”.

Where do I even begin?

In early December, I had another first date (in the ever growing serious of odd/bad first dates) with someone who seemed like he could be a winner. Seemed nice, funny, was cute, etc. Cut to date night when I’m sitting at the coffee shop and we’re discussing what we do in our careers and no joke, this guy tells me he’s a funeral director. Now, it’s not necessarily a thing that would make me say no way to a second date (though I did have to bite my lip to keep from busting out laughing – especially since he was WAY to happy to be a funeral director) but it was the information that came out after that.  Turns out, he was still living with his parents, and had never had to pay rent (boo hoo for you, life’s hard), had never had to get a job before the age of 28, and his parents still paid all his bills for him.

While it may not seem like a big deal to some people, the more I thought about it after I went home, the more it was a huge deal breaker for me. I realized for one of the first times that not everyone I go out with is going to be on the same life path as me and have a purpose and direction with their life. I had to start looking for someone who actually had some life experience, because honestly, that’s what I’m looking for. I’m looking for someone who has some passion, some drive, some purpose, and knows how to be their own person.  This guy still lived at home and had his parents pay for everything. I have been living on my own since I went to college at 17 and paying all of my own bills, including student loans, since I left college and went to grad school at 21. It blew my mind that this guy had never seen a credit card bill, let alone an electric or gas bill, in his entire life. This guy had never had to go through the horror of finding an apartment to rent. It was crazy that this guy didn’t get a job until he was 28 – not because he had to, but just because he was bored being at home during the day and having nothing to do with his life.  Seriously, get a job or at least an interesting hobby.

I’m a very independent person and while this might scare off some guys, I do know there are guys out there that can appreciate a girl who can fend for herself, have her own life, her own friends, and just know how to get shit done. I’m not one of those girls that sits at home at night, waiting for her boyfriend to call her or text her. I’m not looking for a guy for my life to revolve around. I can appreciate and enjoy a guy who takes care of me but I’m looking for a guy who can fit into my life, and I can fit into his, given some compromises on both sides. Not to say I’m looking for someone who is the most independent person ever, but someone who has some life experience, knowledge, ambition, and focus would be great.

So please try and have your shit together. I know I’m picky, but I’m really not asking for much.  Just had a steady job, some life experience, live on your own or with roommates (just not your parents), and make your own way in life.  Hell, even if you’re a funeral director, as long as we connect and you’ve got your life together semi-together, you might just have a chance at a second date.

Xo

Your Future Wife

Back off the booze

21 Sep

Dear Future Hubby,

Please don’t be a lush. I’m all for the consumption of alcohol in moderation, but If I wanted to date an alcoholic, I’d at least find one who was a famous celebrity or something so that way I at least have a chance to end up on Perez Hilton.

Just another Wednesday...

Lately I have found myself in a land I like to call “first date hell.”  I’ve taken it upon myself to kick my own ass into gear and start making shit happen. And when I say making shit happen, I mean finally agreeing to go out with some guys, be set up on blind dates (gasp, shock, horror) and confront my fears.  One thing that always seems to make any first date go a little easier is a drink and let me tell you, that’s the first thing I order if I’m out at dinner or a bar for that initial meeting.  Soothes the nerves and adds a little more confidence. However, I limit myself to one, maybe two drinks, at most.  This cannot be said for one of my most recent first date cohort.

 

A few weeks ago, I agreed to meet some guy I had been talking to on okcupid for a drink at Mandrake in Culver City. No, I’m not a hipster. It just happens to be close to my apartment. We had been emailing for a couple of weeks so clearly, going out was the next natural step.  He seemed cool enough, interesting enough, sarcastic enough (I have a standard when it comes to humor/sarcasm that my guys need to have), so the date should have gone well, right? Wrong.

 

After settling into the back patio with a drink (beer for me, whiskey on the rocks for him) we began to chat and it became apparent to me that we not only had nothing in common but he seemed like a high functioning alcoholic. In between finding out that he doesn’t watch TV (I am best friends with my tivo), likes heavy metal rock (I just vomited in my mouth), and doesn’t like sports (how can you not love Brian Wilson?), he proceeded to yammer on about what types of whiskey he likes, what his favorite bars are, how he had to move within walking distance of his favorite bar, how he impulse buys when he’s drunk (and buys weird shit like real samurai swords and a penguin suit), and how he knows all the bartenders at his favorite bar. Never mind the fact that while we talked about all this super duper fascinating alcohol talk, he downed three whiskeys on the rocks and I was struggling to keep up by drinking beer.

Not that kind of peguin suit...

While he did have a decent, steady job, I just couldn’t overlook the fact that this guy clearly had some issues. Apparently he didn’t realize he was on a date with a girl who is a total lightweight and doesn’t drink more than one to two drinks a week, unless there’s an event going on. Apparently he also didn’t realize that discussing how shitfaced you get on an almost daily basis is not what you should be talking about on a first date. Turn off.

 

So please keep this in mind for our first date. Don’t booze it up. Don’t get shitfaced. Don’t talk about getting shitfaced. Don’t tell me about how you had to disable one-click shopping on Amazon because you impulse buy when drunk. Don’t point out that you’re best friends with the bartender. I have my own life to handle. I don’t need to be dating someone who’s life revolves around when they are going to get to drink next. I don’t care how great of a job you may have. Or how funny you might be.

 

Oh yeah, and don’t tell me you don’t like baseball and that you’re going to go home and play video games after our date. Cause if the whole high function alcoholic thing wasn’t enough to turn me off, that certainly is the next best thing to say to ensure you will be promptly deleted from my phone.

 

Xo,
Your Future Wife

Falling for a friend

3 Mar

Dear Future Hubby,

Don’t freak out when I throw this idea out there, but…what if you’re one of my friends? Gasp. Shock. Horror. Oh my god. Okay. You doing alright there now. Blood pressure returning to normal? Okay, good. Now, I know I’ve touched on this before with my Psychic prediction post, but last night I had dinner with one of girl friend, Bama, and  we spent a good majority of the meal discussing boys or my lack there of and how at present  (oh dear god, yes I’m really admitting this) I might like someone, a new friend, within my group of extended group of friends. Insert facepalm moment. I actually wish I had just recorded our conversation at dinner and could transcribe it for this post because then I wouldn’t really have to write this at all. Our conversation was way funnier than this post could ever be. Believe me, this isn’t something I’m entirely thrilled about, as the thought of dating someone within my group of friends somewhat terrifies me. It has it’s benefits, but can come with some serious awkward turtle moments as well.

When you google images for "dating a friend" stuff like this comes up. Lame.

I prefer to date someone who is a friend, first and foremost, as if my utter hatred for okcupid and any online dating wasn’t enough to tip you off to this fact about me. I’ve been lucky that every relationship thus far in my life has stemmed from a friendships. Double Threat, I’m looking at you. But it always seems to be the best way to find someone who I know isn’t going to judge me. It allows me to date someone who I’m clearly already comfortable with, who I can talk to, who I can laugh with, who can understand my self-deprecation and sarcasm and vice versa. I like to know I’m getting into a relationship with someone who has seen me at my best, who has seen me through promotions, new jobs, growing up, becoming more mature, experiencing new life adventures, but who has also seen me at my worst. This includes, but is not limited to the following scenarios: being drunk, acting belligerent while being drunk, falling over, embarrassing myself in public, singing horrible songs at karaoke, seeing me with no makeup, sharing things I would never normally admit to someone I potentially wanted to have a relationship with,  crying, being far too emotional, etc.

Do you look this good in a trench coat?

Additionally,  if you are a friend, there are a lot of issues that need to be discussed be before we can even get into a relationship. First and foremost, if this doesn’t work out, we HAVE to remain friends. This is a nonstarter. If we are not mature enough to remain friends in the event that this doesn’t work, we should not date. I’m not going to force my entire group of friends to pick sides if we ever get in a huge fight and decide to break up. I personally love my group of friend and speaking from experience, losing them over a guy is not fun. At all. Trust me. Also, we’re not going to be one of those crazy PDA couples when hanging out with our friends. Why? Because I really don’t feel like making people vomit. I’m not that sick and twisted.

It’s the above issues that really make me think long and hard about liking someone within my group of friends, sometimes to the point where I really wish I didn’t. Cue major internal conflict. This is why I’ve been trying to do the whole online dating thing because heaven forbid you are in my group of friends and we start dating, all hell might break out if we don’t work out. This being said, don’t expect me to make some sort of grand gesture and let my feelings be known. I’m too worried about the potential bad ramifications of this. I’m not going to go all John Cusack on you and stand in front of your house with a boom box playing Peter Gabriel. However, if you feel you need to do that, go for it. I can totally jam along to In Your Eyes. In fact, that’s probably one of the songs you’ve seen me sing (horribly) at karaoke. so if you’re still standing there with the boom box after seeing that, maybe there is hope for this whole dating a friend thing after all.

Xo,

Your Future Wife

Say no to New Year’s Eve plans

31 Dec

Dear Future Hubby,

With 2011 upon on, New Year’s Eve and it’s ever anticlimactic plans are as well.

I would so be that girl sitting at the table

There are very few holidays where I feel that it’s good to have a significant other around. A Future Hubby, a Future Wife, a plus one. Most holidays you can get by just fine without someone. Fourth of July, I only need to know how to successfully play flip cup and grill a burger. Halloween only requires skills in the costume making department. On Easter, I only need to have a strong stomach for all the Cadbury eggs and St. Patrick’s Day, just a strong liver. It’s Valentine’s Day and today, New Year’s Eve, where having you around might make the holiday a little better, a little more exciting, and let’s face it, a little less anticlimactic.

I have thus given up trying to make exciting New Year’s Eve plans. I could drive back to LA today and go to a couple of parties I’ve been invited to, but based off past experiences, they always end up a disappointment regardless of how big a party and how much alcohol is involved. The disappointment doesn’t come from the buzz wearing off or from having to pay and arm and a leg for bottle services at some club. For us single gals, the disappointment generally comes from the lack of someone to kiss at midnight.

I could go through with plans, go to a party, stand around while all the couples there kiss at midnight while secretly wishing my daydream to meet a handsome single stranger at the party had come true. Or that I had gotten wasted enough to try and kiss some random guy. Either scenario though sounds mildly depressing and makes me feel like I’ll wake up the next morning, ala Bridget Jones, and wind up at some turkey curry buffet, recounting my pathetic New Year’s plans to Colin Firth while wishing I could be lying with my head in a toilet (like all normal people). I’ll pass on that.

My dates for this New Year's Eve

I haven’t gone to a New Year’s party since 2007, instead finding that movies, dinner, and a low key celebration at home with a few friends has turned out to be a much more fun option. Not to say that when you do show up, I won’t drag you to some fab New Year’s party, pop open the champagne, and kiss you a midnight. I just think it’s better to avoid having the overexposed joys of New Year’s Eve coupledom shoved in my face at midnight, until we’re the ones shoving it in someone else’s face. I just hope it’s one of our sad, single exes.

Xo,
Your Future Wife

Kick-ass couples costumes

30 Oct

Dear Future Hubby,

It’s that time of the year. The time for…my least favorite holiday. Halloween.

Thanks for the costume, Mom

I know, I know. How can Halloween be my least favorite holiday? It’s costumes. It’s candy. What’s not to like about it? Honestly, I don’t know why it’s my least favorite holiday, but I’ve just never been a fan. This doesn’t mean I don’t dress up for Halloween. I do. I’ve had some pretty kick ass costumes too. When I was little, it was princesses, angels, 50s poodle skirt girls. As I got older, it switched to things like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Cruise Director, and my best costume yet, Hottie Cop. I bought that one 4 years ago for 60 bucks and legit, it’s paid for itself over and over again, whether being worn for Halloween or random nights in Vegas.

The only downside to all these costumes is that because of a lack of you, I’ve never really been able to do any joint costumes. Sure, I dressed up with my friends as the Spice Girls growing up, but we’re talking about way more intense costume duos. Duos that only we could accomplish because if we’re dating and I’ve got enough sway to convince to wear something so redonkulous.

Duos like Barbie & Ken, Bert & Ernie, Blair Waldorf & Chuck Bass, Gilligan & Maryanne or…a team from LEGENDS OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE!

We could be this cool

That’s right. Jump back, Kevin Bacon. Don’t lie. You know it’s the best idea ever and you’re secretly thanking the universe for leading you to me for the soul fact that for one Halloween you too could be a Blue Barracuda. If we’re lucky, we can even find a friend to dress up as Ole Mec. Just imagine how fab we’d look in our blue shirts, yellow helmets and water socks. If we’re lucky, we’ll be at a party with people who will appreciate us when we attempt to recreate the Steps of Knowledge and the Temple Games in the middle of the dance floor as if we’re really trying to make it to the end and find the Helmet of Joan of Arc.

Just think about it. It’s no doubt the best Halloween costume idea ever, so start rewatching old episodes of LOTHT to make sure you’re in character enough for next years Halloween.

Xo,
Your Future Wife

Head shot hell

10 Sep

Dear Future Hubby,

If you’re an actor, chances are I’m not going to give you much of a chance at all. Unless your name is Tom Hiddleston.

Awkward pose, party of one

One of the hazards of living in Los Angeles is the abundance of pretty people just trying to act. You can’t take two steps without running into an actor, unemployed or famous. Our restaurants and local Starbuck’s are crowded with waiters just trying to make ends meet so they can keep going on auditions and taking classes.  This isn’t to say that all actors are superficial. I’m not saying that all, but after years of experience with living with them, being around them, working with them, it’s hard to imagine dating one.

In case you haven’t already picked up on this, I’m a jeans and t-shirts girl. I wear Converse more than heels. I didn’t wash my hair today. I’m wearing my glasses right now. I’m not exactly someone who is super concerned with looks. So when I stumble across a really hot guy who’s just waiting for his big break, sure, he’s nice to look at, but that’s about it. My experience thus far with male actors is that they are far too concerned with looks and outward appearance, that I would look like a hobo next to them, if they even gave me the time of day.

Lately, I’ve been trying to still do the okcupid thing. I’ve been failing miserably, so I’m of course putting in minimal effort at this point. Minimal effort means just looking through profiles and saving people to my favorites list. When looking through them though, if someone’s first picture is CLEARLY a head shot, I don’t even both going any further. I don’t bother messaging them or saving them to my favorites list because let’s be honest. I’m secretly mocking the horrible posed shots and I’m not sure my Future Hubby is going to be on board with me mocking him. And if all of their pictures are head shots. Well, shit. Bust out the popcorn and prop you feet up for a night of laughter. In what world would any girl want to date a guy who’s only photos are staged awkward poses that scream “Hey, I’m an actor!”

Sure, this could all change. I could one day meet a normal, totally down to earth actor who is drop dead gorgeous, but I’m not holding my breath. I’m open to any possibility, but I’m not going to purposely seek out guys with head shots online or scour the local Cheesecake Factory for the next Brad Pitt in hopes that he’ll ignore that fact that I ordered the Four Cheese past and ask me out.

The exact moment I met Tom caught on camera

This entire letter is a completely moot point as well, if you happen to turn out to be one of the amazingly hot guys in my top five…or is that top 10….or 15. Whatever. We all have that list of guys that we’d date in a heartbeat, even if we already have a boyfriend. Dominic Cooper, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Chris Pine, Ryan Gosling. Plus, after this years Comic-Con, when I was introduced to Tom Hiddleston and he said “Have we met before?” I lost my shit. He thought we had met before! Clearly Tom knows we’re destined to be together.

So unless one of the okcupid head shot boys can top Tom Hiddleston’s profound introduction and show that they can be both a normal, down to earth guy and an actor, the chances of me dating an actor are slim to nil. Not that I’d be against it, I’m not not going to seek it out. It’d be like if I actually believed Tom and I were destined to be together. Deranged idea that’s just full of disappointment.

Xo,
Your Future Wife

Try and be a little taller, ok?

10 Aug

Dear Future Hubby,

Please, please, please be taller than me.

This will never be me

I know, I really shouldn’t be picky and I really shouldn’t base whether I date a guy on how tall he is but…it’s kind of a deal breaker for me. I don’t know what it is about a guy that is my height or shorter than me that freaks me out but I just can’t do it. I’m all about the guys that are tall, where I actually have to tilt my head up to look at them. That’s the ideal situation for me. I never thought the ideal situation would be one where I might potentially hurt my neck, but hey, it’s worth it.

I am by no means tall (5’6, maybe 5’7 if I’m not slouching) so it’s hard to be shorter than me. But when I find myself on a date with a guy who is not only really, REALLY overzealous and is about an inch shorter than me, I kind of want to run for the hills. True story. I went on a date with a former co-worker of one of my really good friends. I immediately had my guard up because I met him Friday night and he asked me out to dinner that next morning, and we went out the following day. I felt like he was trying to overcompensate for not being tall by being really overzealous. If there is one thing I can’t handled more than someone shorter than me, it’s someone that’s really overzealous about wanting to go out on a date with me. Needless to say, I didn’t go out with him again.

This isn’t to say I’m completely opposed to dating anyone shorter than 6 feet tall, but it’s just you know…a nice little cherry on top if I can find a guy that doesn’t make me feel like a giant. The current crush isn’t even that much taller than me, maybe and inch or so. Actually, I’m surprised I didn’t automatically write him off for being just a little bit taller than me. Congrats, current crush. You apparently have oodles of awesome traits that overshadow the fact that you’re not 6’2. Well done, you! Though I do think that at one point in his presence I said that being short is a deal breaker for me. Current crush, you are the exception to that, just FYI.

Sad face for you, Sarkozy

I wish I could just get past the whole “you have to be taller than me” thing, but I just can’t seem to break it. Even when perusing the profiles on okcupid, one of the first things I look at it height. Granted, I have been getting better at saving guys to my favorites list is they seem cool and are maybe only 5’8, so at least that’s progress.However, I doubt I’ll ever be comfortable getting to the point being okay saving someone to that list, let alone dating someone that is shorter than me. Call it a personal preference, call it me overlooking some great guys. I just can’t do it. I’ve tried. It’s not for me.

So FH, please start taking some growing pills or get that surgery Ethan Hawke gets in Gattaca, cause like I said, being shorter than me if a deal breaker. I know that is kind of bitchy, but hey, everyone has their personal preference. I guess this is just mine.

Xo,
Your Future Wife

Dial the digits

5 Aug

Dear Future Hubby,

Don’t ask for my number unless you’re actually planning on calling me.

Desperate much?

Why? Because it takes every ounce of trust in me to even give out my number in the first place. I’m totally that girl that is scared that by giving out her number, she is completely setting herself up for disappointment. What if he doesn’t call? What if he doesn’t text? What if he’s creepy and calls and then just breathes into the phone like a serial killer in an Ashley Judd/Morgan Freeman movie? What if he accidentally butt dials me because my name starts with an A and he didn’t actually mean to call me at all? Fail. If you don’t want my number, don’t be polite and ask for it anyway. That’s a shit cop out move and I’m not a fan of it. Only ask for it if you have a reason. Like you need to borrow a dvd or you need to text me the address to a house party you heard about. Not if I’m going to collect dust amongst a sea of Mindy’s and Melissa’s in your phone. So why even ask for it if it’s just going to take up space in your address book?

What do guys do with all the numbers or any personal information they accumulate but never actually follow through and use? Use the numbers to start their own Sudoku game? See what the coolest number combination they can come up with are? Take the numbers to a psychic to see if our phone numbers make us compatible? Map out how far apart you two live and if it’s more that 2.4 miles, then you guys clearly can’t date?

Second date with Music Guy clearly never happened, which now looking back on, I think I wanted to like him more than I actually did like him. But he asked for my address because he was going to try and come to my house warming party. He didn’t. So why did he even ask for it?  Unless he’s mentally 7 years old and his idea of Friday night fun is a rousing game of Ding Dong Dutch or he’s going to throw a bag of dog poo against my door ala Can’t Buy Me Love, I don’t see the point in him wanting that info.

How much do I love that this is real?

Then out of the blue, Double Threat sends me a personal Facebook message saying he lost his phone and needs my number. Um, newsflash, unless you plan on spotting our English professor again randomly, I don’t see any world where you actually call me/text me.  We haven’t spoken in three years. I talk to my tailor more than a talk to you and I’m a jeans and converse girl. That should give you an idea of how often I actually have to go to the tailor. Don’t get my hopes up. You already did that once already in college and look where it got me.

So if you want my phone number, sure, fine. I promise I won’t give you the Rejection Hotline like I used to give out in college. I’ll actually give you my number as part of my goal to put myself out there and trust guys more. But please don’t make me regret it. Actually call me. I may not pick up. You may have to leave a message. But if you get past that step, you’ll definitely be worthy of a call back, just for trusting me enough to actually return the call.

Xo,
Your Future Wife

Beware of the Bed Hog

7 Jul

Dear Future Hubby,

I hope you like sleeping on the floor. Or the couch. Or in a tent in the living room because sadly….I’m kind of a bed hog.

In the midst of my half sleep while I continually press the snooze button routine this morning, I realize that I wasn’t sleeping on “my” side of the bed anymore. I was basically lying across it diagonally. I have no idea when during the night this happened, but I’ve been waking up lately and finding that I’m either directly in the middle of the bed or diagonal across it. Clearly, I didn’t learn very much about sharing growing up. Only child syndrome, sorry.

Yeah...this is so me

I normally wouldn’t think anything of this but for some reason, I got uber panicked for you, Future Hubby. Where the hell are you going to sleep when you finally show up and I decide you’re cool enough to spend the nigh because clearly, I’ve become so comfortable in my bed that that’s what it is now. MY bed. I have hardwood floors, so that’s definitely out. The Aerobed is another good option but that thing is totally bulky and takes up the rest of the floor space in my room. I’m so not going to want to step on your pretty face on my way to get a glass of water at 3 AM. Our couch is comfy, but if you want to go to bed early and I want to stay up watching So You Think You Can Dance, this is clearly impractical. We don’t have a treehouse, so you can’t camp out Sandlot style and we live close to a busy street so a tent in the front yard might be a bit noisy for you.

Dilemma, dilemma, dilemma. I guess you’re just going to have to get used to me being a bed hog, kicking you in the middle of the night, waking you up when I turn over, stealing your pillow because it used to be MY pillow, stealing the covers, leghitch’ing you in the middle of the night, or pinning you against the mattress because I’ve decided to lay diagonally. You’re clearly never going to get a good nights sleep again, so you better start stocking up on those zzz’s now because you’ll miss them when you’re watching Magic Bullet infomercials at 4 AM because I’ve pushed you off the bed and on to the cold hardwood floor.

Or..I guess I could just wait till you show up, prove yourself worthy of a sleepover, and compromise. Actually, the more I think about it, the more restricted I become when sleeping in the same bed as someone else.  You may actually end up getting a good night sleep after all. Me…not so much, as I’ll be too terrified I’ll punch you in the face in my sleep if I move an inch.

Xo,
Your Future Wife

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