Dear Future Hubby,
So, you’re not Prince William. Bummer. Or rather, too bad I’m not Kate Middleton. Bummer.
Sure, he and Kate Middleton have been dating forever so we knew their engagement was coming. Sure, I’m well aware there was no chance in hell you were ever going to be Prince William. But a lot of girls growing up at one point or another dreamed about being a princess. I just happened to like William more than Harry.
Growing up, I had this fascination with royals, especially the British royal family. Even though Charles and Diana wed before I was even born, I borrowed a VHS tape of there wedding from my first grade teacher to watch. That’s pure dedication. Over the years, I had the biggest crush on Prince William and thought about all the silly school girl ways I could some how, some day, become a princess. I mean, if we’re going to play Six Degrees of Prince William, I am one degree away from him through not one, but THREE friends. Dear friends that went to Eton with William, way to so not help me become a princess. Thanks.
I know I look like crap in a tiara, but there are several reasons I could have been a a great British princess. First off, I know all the words to Bridget Jones’ Diary and I love The Beatles. Second, my British accent is slightly better than a first year acting students. Thirdly, I rock at curtsying. All of these things are clearly uber important when trying to become a princess of the British empire, aren’t they? No? Oh shit, I’m screwed then. No wonder my “ongoing quest to be British” during sophomore year of college failed. I guess it probably would have helped if I had you know, actually been born in England.
I guess I just have to watch in fascination like the rest of the world over the new royal engagement while trying to come up with a new plan to one day be a princess. There’s always Andrea & Pierre of Monaco who are both quite handsome. Not to mention that Swedish Prince Carl. So on the off chance you’re one of them, I’m just going to wander off and practice my fake Swedish accent and start taking French lessons. You know, just in case I need them in the future.
Or I just need to go form my own country and monarchy myself. Then if you’re a commoner, you can start planning on how you can win me over so you can become a prince. You’re just lucky you won’t have to wear a tiara.
Your Future Wife