Tag Archives: Friends with Benefits

Falling for a friend

3 Mar

Dear Future Hubby,

Don’t freak out when I throw this idea out there, but…what if you’re one of my friends? Gasp. Shock. Horror. Oh my god. Okay. You doing alright there now. Blood pressure returning to normal? Okay, good. Now, I know I’ve touched on this before with my Psychic prediction post, but last night I had dinner with one of girl friend, Bama, and  we spent a good majority of the meal discussing boys or my lack there of and how at present  (oh dear god, yes I’m really admitting this) I might like someone, a new friend, within my group of extended group of friends. Insert facepalm moment. I actually wish I had just recorded our conversation at dinner and could transcribe it for this post because then I wouldn’t really have to write this at all. Our conversation was way funnier than this post could ever be. Believe me, this isn’t something I’m entirely thrilled about, as the thought of dating someone within my group of friends somewhat terrifies me. It has it’s benefits, but can come with some serious awkward turtle moments as well.

When you google images for "dating a friend" stuff like this comes up. Lame.

I prefer to date someone who is a friend, first and foremost, as if my utter hatred for okcupid and any online dating wasn’t enough to tip you off to this fact about me. I’ve been lucky that every relationship thus far in my life has stemmed from a friendships. Double Threat, I’m looking at you. But it always seems to be the best way to find someone who I know isn’t going to judge me. It allows me to date someone who I’m clearly already comfortable with, who I can talk to, who I can laugh with, who can understand my self-deprecation and sarcasm and vice versa. I like to know I’m getting into a relationship with someone who has seen me at my best, who has seen me through promotions, new jobs, growing up, becoming more mature, experiencing new life adventures, but who has also seen me at my worst. This includes, but is not limited to the following scenarios: being drunk, acting belligerent while being drunk, falling over, embarrassing myself in public, singing horrible songs at karaoke, seeing me with no makeup, sharing things I would never normally admit to someone I potentially wanted to have a relationship with,  crying, being far too emotional, etc.

Do you look this good in a trench coat?

Additionally,  if you are a friend, there are a lot of issues that need to be discussed be before we can even get into a relationship. First and foremost, if this doesn’t work out, we HAVE to remain friends. This is a nonstarter. If we are not mature enough to remain friends in the event that this doesn’t work, we should not date. I’m not going to force my entire group of friends to pick sides if we ever get in a huge fight and decide to break up. I personally love my group of friend and speaking from experience, losing them over a guy is not fun. At all. Trust me. Also, we’re not going to be one of those crazy PDA couples when hanging out with our friends. Why? Because I really don’t feel like making people vomit. I’m not that sick and twisted.

It’s the above issues that really make me think long and hard about liking someone within my group of friends, sometimes to the point where I really wish I didn’t. Cue major internal conflict. This is why I’ve been trying to do the whole online dating thing because heaven forbid you are in my group of friends and we start dating, all hell might break out if we don’t work out. This being said, don’t expect me to make some sort of grand gesture and let my feelings be known. I’m too worried about the potential bad ramifications of this. I’m not going to go all John Cusack on you and stand in front of your house with a boom box playing Peter Gabriel. However, if you feel you need to do that, go for it. I can totally jam along to In Your Eyes. In fact, that’s probably one of the songs you’ve seen me sing (horribly) at karaoke. so if you’re still standing there with the boom box after seeing that, maybe there is hope for this whole dating a friend thing after all.

Xo,

Your Future Wife

Psychic predictions…or lack thereof

6 Dec

Dear Future Hubby,

When December rolls around, all the favorite television shows start to go on the holiday hiatus and I’m forced to watch ridiculously bad shows or DVD box sets until new episodes come on in January. When I say “bad shows” I don’t mean like What Not To Wear or RW/RR Challenges. No, no. I mean really bad. Like Giuliana and Bill. Yeah. That’s right. I admitted it. I recently got sucked into an episode of Giuliana and Bill and while I would like to bill the Style network and make them give me back one hour of my life, the episode actually made me think of you.

This is clearly the psychic I need to go to

Yes, I know that’s odd and sounds a little crazy, but hear me out. During the episode I was watching Giuliana have drinks with some girlfriends and of course they end up talking about guys.  Nothing out of the ordinary here, until one of her friends mentions that she had recently gone to a psychic who told her that she was going to end up with someone she already knew. My reaction? Shit. What if that happens to me?

Going to the psychic part would be cool, yes, and my friend Val and I have made it our goal to hopefully go to one after the New Year, but ending up with someone I already know? I immediately start going through my list of single guy friends and trying to figure out how much Future Hubby potential they actually have?

Double Threat : He still live all the way across the country. He still rarely talks to me unless he gets drunks and sees our freshman year English professor. I secretly have always hoped that one day he’d show up on my door step and say “I’m an idiot. I screwed up. I want to be with you” and then I’d go around the corner and do a little dance like Laura Linney does in Love, Actually when she’s about to bag Rodrigo Garcia.  However, recently DT even forgot my birthday: an event that no matter how long it’s been since we’ve communicated, he always called or texted on. FH Potential: 10%

J-Squared: He also still live all the way across the country (anyone else seeing a pattern here?) but I have to give the guy credit. He has that sixth sense about when I had just about forgotten him and popped back up. Well done, you. However, flirting is all it’s ever been and even though I did marry him in a random game of MASH that Val and I played on Saturday night (don’t judge) I don’t have bleached blond hair, a fake tan, and fake boobs, which is exactly his type based off of every picture I’ve ever seen of him with other girls. FH Potential: 15%

Premiere Pal: Currently dating someone else, currently still sending mixed signals, currently still incredibly dense. He’s quickly turning into another an emotional pseudo-boyfriend, which sorry, the role has already been filled in my life, so thanks for playing. However, the currently sending mixed signals gives me a minor glimmer of hope that one day, he might change his mind. FH Potential: 30%

Emotional Psuedo-Boyfriend: Been dating someone else for almost a year and we’re too the point now that he annoys me half the time. We’d probably kill each other within the first 10 minutes. FH Potential: 3%

My Favorite Mistake: A really, really “poor life choice” from my college years who has oddly enough turned into a pretty decent friend. Out of all the above, he’s probably 3rd in the Friend competition and that’s only behind Premiere Pal and EPB.  Sad thing is, said poor life choice has put me in the position that I would never ever admit it IF I started to like him again and I’m sure the feeling is mutual. FH Potential: 11%

I'm sad for myself that I watched this

Clearly, if I walk into the psychic and hear what the girl on G&B heard, I’d probably laugh in her face. Out of the above, the highest percentage anyone got was 30% and if someone is going to be FH, we’re going to need to get above the 50% mark. However, there could be some truth to it, especially since I’d ideally like to date someone who I’ve been friends with first. Damn you G&B for making me A: seriously debate about going to a psychic and B: planting a seed of doubt in my head about every single guy friend I have.

If you are somebody I already know, well, at least you probably aren’t shocked by my admitting to watching Giuliana and Bill. You most likely already know that and if we’re still friends even after that, you just earned even more brownie points.  There might just be hope for you yet.

Xo,
Your Future Wife

Nosey about nookie

24 Sep
Dear Future Hubby,

If you’re going to basically ask me when the last time I had sex was, I’m going to think you might like me. Just sayin…my other guy friends don’t normally just bring that up in random conversation.

Let's just make a pit stop

Things with Premiere Pal have taken another turn towards “What does it all mean?” territory. And before you go ahead and tell me that I’m over analyzing it, trust me, you’ll get why I’ve ventured into this dangerous land without weapons or reinforcements.

A few nights ago, I went to dinner with Premiere Pal. Lately, we’ve started hanging out a lot more by ourselves and not with any of our other friends. Whether it’s brunch together or just grabbing a coffee, our small group of mutual friends have all but disappeared. Raise the red flag right there, Capture the Flag style. Because of this though, I wasn’t completely shocked that we ended up going to grab a bite to eat and catching a movie.

The conversations, as ours normally tend to do for some reasons, sticks to who we’re dating and our current love lives. Exes, dates, failed dates, the idea of having a relationship vs. wanting to have fun. Somehow after discussing his ex for 20 minutes, Double Threat got brought up and how that’s the last time I’ve had any semblance of a relationship, if you can even call it that. Yeah, all the way back in college. There. I did it. I admitted it. I haven’t had any semblance of a  relationship since college, just dated.  (So not) Awesomespice! At which point, he asks me “So wait, you mean you haven’t been with anyone since then or your haven’t BEEN with anyone since then?” No, like I haven’t been in a real relationship with anyone, but thanks for asking that fabulously awkward question and taking our friendship to a whole different level of “What does it all mean?”

Do guy friends really do that? Do they really ask that if they don’t have some other intentions? I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy friend do that and I’m definitely a guy friend type of girl. I have more guys in my cell phone contacts than girls..

Life should always be explained through Mario Bros.

So here I am, still confused, deep in over analyzing hell, trying to figure out for serious…what does this all mean? I told him that I’m often torn between wanting a relationship and wanting to just have fun and date. As if that subject alone didn’t cause inner mental conflict, this now gets added to the pile. Part of the whole evening screams “Hey, I like you” and part screams “Friend Zone Central, bitches!!” It doesn’t help that as we were wrapping up dinner, he says to me that a friend once told him he was going to meet someone the way he met me. Yeah, for serious, I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.

So if you’re going to ask me about my sex life, can you make it a little more obvious if you’re just being nosey and trying to be a good friend or if you want to go out.

Xo,
Your Future Wife.

Peace out Pseudo-Boyfriend

1 Jun

Dear Future Hubby,

Please don’t be a pseudo-boyfriend. Well, if you were one, you probably aren’t Future Hubby anyway.

Before or after the early bird special at Denny's?

You may not know exactly what a pseudo boyfriend is, but you’ve definitely seen one. They are the guy that acts and looks like they are dating a girl, but in actuality, they aren’t. They are doing everything to make it seem like they are a boyfriend, but when the topic comes up or someone ask if they are dating, the answer is of course no. Nevermind the fact that every single thing they do or say indicates otherwise. It’s confusing as all hell and definitely annoying for girls like me who are looking for Future Hubby. I’ve spent tons of time trying to figure out why the hell guys do this. It can range from commitment phobias to wanting to keep their options open to who the hell knows. I’ve also discovered that there are three different types of pseudo-boyfriends, all of which, you should avoid being.

The Emotional Pseudo-Boyfriend

This is the guy that you are dating mentally and emotionally. He’s the type of guys that just “gets” you. You call each other “babe” and “hun” while talking on the phone till the wee hours of the morning. He calls you when he has tough life decisions to make and wants your opinion. Wait, you’re asking me if you should take a job out of town that will mean we don’t see each other for six months? Isn’t that more of a question for a real girlfriend and not someone you’re just a pseudo-boyfriend to? He invites you to parties as his “plus one,” he takes you out to dinner, you spend more time at each other houses than you do at your own. Plus the icing on the cake is when one of his friends, which you have just met five minutes earlier, asks you point blank “are you guys fucking?” and then proceeds to bring it up all night after witnesses your banter and boyfriend/girlfriend interactions. Everything about the relationship is screaming “we’re dating” except that he won’t just get it over with and kiss you.

The “Friends with Benefits/No Strings Attached” Pseudo-Boyfriend

This is the guy that calls you at 11 PM and wants you to come over. Yes, you’ve just been booty called. He’s the guy that calls you while walking home from the bar and instead of going to his place, comes over to your place. In public, he’s just another one of your guy friends that you can play flip cup with till the cows come home, but put you two alone in a room together and you’ve got yourselves a party. He has no idea what your allergic to or how you always sob at the end of Rudy, but when does that matter at all when it comes to a quick hook up?

The Double Threat

This is the guy that combines the best of both pseudo-boyfriend worlds. He’s the double threat, being both the emotional pseudo-bf with a dash of friends of benefits thrown in for fun. He’s the guy that not only knows everything about you, but is a damn good kisser as well. You guys plan your lives around each other. You pick out apartments across the hall from one another so you can be closer to each other. You coordinate your work/school/life schedules to coincide with one another as much as possible. You’ve watched the sun rise together because you’ve stayed up so late talking. You pick each other up from the airport, you spend holidays together, you’ve met each other parents. You even fight like you’re dating. If a fight in the Wendy’s parking lot followed by someone walking home because they are so mad doesn’t scream “we’re dating!” then what does? He writes you poems and leaves them on your voice mail. He gives you presents and flowers when he’s trying to make up for doing something stupid. He likes spending the night at your place more than he does at his own place. But at the end of the day, he leaves himself open for options. You guys can go periods of time (like all of junior year of college) while either of you goes off to date someone else, but you guys always come back to one another, except never with a “real” relationship to show for it. Just a “whenever it’s convenient” relationship. The only sweet vindication for this is when he comes to you two years later when he’s actually gone and made someone else officially his girlfriend and says “I really screwed up with us. I had my chance and I fucked it up.” Me – 1, Him – 0.

Unfortunately, I’ve been forced to deal with each and every one of these only to learn that regardless of how you act with them or how much you pray that they’ll be different, they are 99.9% never going to change and become an actual boyfriend. There is an underlying reason as to why they won’t just make it official, whether you ever figure it out or not.

If I ever see you slipping into any of the above a categories, you better as hell believe I’m speaking up. I should have spoken up when dealing with all of the above, but sometimes you have to make a mistake to keep learn not to make it in the future. All of the above just end up in someone getting hurt and what is the fun in that? Relationships, while hard, are supposed to be fun too. There is no fun in watching your pseudo-boyfriend go and flirt with another girl, even if you’re with a “friends with benefits” pseudo-bf. If you want to be considered Future Hubby material, you’re actually going to have to be my boyfriend first.

Xo,

Your Future Wife

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