Tag Archives: Guy Friends

Falling for a friend

3 Mar

Dear Future Hubby,

Don’t freak out when I throw this idea out there, but…what if you’re one of my friends? Gasp. Shock. Horror. Oh my god. Okay. You doing alright there now. Blood pressure returning to normal? Okay, good. Now, I know I’ve touched on this before with my Psychic prediction post, but last night I had dinner with one of girl friend, Bama, and  we spent a good majority of the meal discussing boys or my lack there of and how at present  (oh dear god, yes I’m really admitting this) I might like someone, a new friend, within my group of extended group of friends. Insert facepalm moment. I actually wish I had just recorded our conversation at dinner and could transcribe it for this post because then I wouldn’t really have to write this at all. Our conversation was way funnier than this post could ever be. Believe me, this isn’t something I’m entirely thrilled about, as the thought of dating someone within my group of friends somewhat terrifies me. It has it’s benefits, but can come with some serious awkward turtle moments as well.

When you google images for "dating a friend" stuff like this comes up. Lame.

I prefer to date someone who is a friend, first and foremost, as if my utter hatred for okcupid and any online dating wasn’t enough to tip you off to this fact about me. I’ve been lucky that every relationship thus far in my life has stemmed from a friendships. Double Threat, I’m looking at you. But it always seems to be the best way to find someone who I know isn’t going to judge me. It allows me to date someone who I’m clearly already comfortable with, who I can talk to, who I can laugh with, who can understand my self-deprecation and sarcasm and vice versa. I like to know I’m getting into a relationship with someone who has seen me at my best, who has seen me through promotions, new jobs, growing up, becoming more mature, experiencing new life adventures, but who has also seen me at my worst. This includes, but is not limited to the following scenarios: being drunk, acting belligerent while being drunk, falling over, embarrassing myself in public, singing horrible songs at karaoke, seeing me with no makeup, sharing things I would never normally admit to someone I potentially wanted to have a relationship with,  crying, being far too emotional, etc.

Do you look this good in a trench coat?

Additionally,  if you are a friend, there are a lot of issues that need to be discussed be before we can even get into a relationship. First and foremost, if this doesn’t work out, we HAVE to remain friends. This is a nonstarter. If we are not mature enough to remain friends in the event that this doesn’t work, we should not date. I’m not going to force my entire group of friends to pick sides if we ever get in a huge fight and decide to break up. I personally love my group of friend and speaking from experience, losing them over a guy is not fun. At all. Trust me. Also, we’re not going to be one of those crazy PDA couples when hanging out with our friends. Why? Because I really don’t feel like making people vomit. I’m not that sick and twisted.

It’s the above issues that really make me think long and hard about liking someone within my group of friends, sometimes to the point where I really wish I didn’t. Cue major internal conflict. This is why I’ve been trying to do the whole online dating thing because heaven forbid you are in my group of friends and we start dating, all hell might break out if we don’t work out. This being said, don’t expect me to make some sort of grand gesture and let my feelings be known. I’m too worried about the potential bad ramifications of this. I’m not going to go all John Cusack on you and stand in front of your house with a boom box playing Peter Gabriel. However, if you feel you need to do that, go for it. I can totally jam along to In Your Eyes. In fact, that’s probably one of the songs you’ve seen me sing (horribly) at karaoke. so if you’re still standing there with the boom box after seeing that, maybe there is hope for this whole dating a friend thing after all.

Xo,

Your Future Wife

Primping for a purpose

25 Feb

Dear Future Hubby,

I know you’re not psychic or anything. If you were, you would have figured out by now that we’re supposed to be together by consulting your brain, or a magic eight ball, or Dream phone or something.  But clearly you’re not and Dream Phone is just collecting dust in closet.  So since you’re not going to go all Ms. Cleo on me, but do me a favor. If you RSVP for a party, actually show up, because careful thought, planning, time, and money go into me getting ready to go to a party where you will be. Actually, just RSVP to begin with so I know right out of the gate if I need to make an effort.

This takes time and effort

Every girl will admit that if we are going out to a party or bar where we think a guy we like is going to be, we put way more effort into how we look. Taking another shower. Putting make up on. Putting contacts in if we wear glasses. Shaving our legs. Using fabulous smelling lotion as opposed to just the regular stuff. Busting out the best perfume we have. Straightening our hair. Standing in front of our closet for an absurd amount of time trying to determine what to wear. Changing said outfit when we decide it’s not good enough. Really, you can see how much planning goes into putting ourselves together if we think we’re going to see you.

A couple of weeks ago, I was going to a friends party when I realized that without even thinking about it, I was primping as if a boy I liked was going to be there. Ok, I’ll admit it. My Favorite Mistake was going to be there. Sure, he’s just a friend, but for some reason, any time I know he’s going to be some place I go, I tend to go through the Party Primping routine as if something is actually going to happen with us. Spoiler aleart: Nothing ever does and nothing ever will.

Regardless, there I was at the party, boozing it up, talking with friends, and MFM was no where insight.  Didn’t he know that I had spent at least an hour and a half getting ready between a bath, clothes, make up, hair, etc.? If he wasn’t going to be there, I could have just gone in my converse, jeans, and glasses and called it a day. Also, make up is expensive. I did not waste precious, valuable, expensive make up, applying it for a party that he apparently wasn’t going to show up to.  Clearly, my inner monologue over this must have gotten through to him some how because he finally did show up, so my efforts were not in total vain.  Thanks, MFM.

"He looks good in whatever he wears."

This goes both way though or ultimately backfires. What if I hadn’t taken the time to look presentable for some event and then you happen to show up. Something tells me you might be talking to the leggy blonde in the corner instead of me. Or I could simply be forgetful and totally forget that I may have an opportunity to see a crush. For example, woke up this morning and dressed weather appropriate which in southern California when it’s raining means jeans and Uggs. Add a blah top, a scarf, and my glasses, it’s a pretty ok outfit. It wasn’t until halfway to work that I remembered that I could potentially have a legit run in with one of my celeb crushes today. And not just a daydream “Oh wouldn’t it be great if whatshisname shows up in line behind me during lunch?” No. We’re talking more than 50% chance that I would run into him at work today. Clearly if I had remembered this, I would have put WAY more thought into outfit choice today.

So do me a favor. If you’re invited to a party or bar of social gathering of any type that I will be at, please RSVP so I know if I need to put in some serious effort. Or a text would be nice reminding me that I will be seeing you and should remember not to wear pajamas outside or just letting me know you’re TOTALLY looking forward to seeing me said social gathering. Because really…what guy wouldn’t be totally looking forward to seeing a girl who can reference Dream Phone and Ms. Cleo all in the same blog post?

Xo,

Your Future Wife

Probably shouldn’t play it cool

12 Jan

Dear Future Hubby,

You’re going to have to make it crystal freaking clear if you like me because I’ve realized I suck at making it crystal freaking clear if I like you. This is clearly an issue. While I may find myself attracted to masters of the mixed signal (Premiere Pal, anyone?) am I perhaps also sending mixed signals, or even worse, no signal at all?

Stop playing it cool, you're getting flowers

As I was leaving work last night, I got a text from a newish male friend of mine, Geek Chic, asking if I had a book we had discussed last time we spoke and could I drop it off at his office on the way home. Lucky for me, I had exactly what he was looking for in my car and his office was right on my route home. We had been talking more and more lately, which like any single girl, led me to start to develop a minor crush on him, or at least entertain the possibility of a minor crush on him. I’ve been trying to decipher Geek since I was first introduced to him by a work friend and of course this includes the following: Is he single? Does he have a girlfriend? Is he gay? I still haven’t come up with answers to either question, but I’m still hoping answers will present themselves.

As I pulled out the book for him, I felt the butterflies, daydreamed about if this was just his ploy to ask me out for dinner or a drink, and how I would do my best to flirt with him when I handed over the book. What did I do? I failed. I completely utterly failed. I walked into his office, dropped off the book, acted as if it was no big deal, told him if he needed anything else to let me know, and then left. No extraneous conversation. No flirting. No nothing. I “played it cool” and just walked away after a whopping 15 second interaction. I didn’t even give myself a fighting chance. Please explain to me how on earth I’m supposed to find a boyfriend let alone a future hubby in this world if all seem to do is “play it cool”? 27 years of playing it cool hasn’t really gotten me anywhere so why do I keep doing it?

It’s not like this is a one time instance too. On the rest of the ride home, I thought about how I tend to do that with most of the guys I like in my life or even ones I just meet or see in passing. I once met a guy at the bar, really hit it off with him, talked for a couple of hours, but when he asked me if I was okay to drive home (which I was) or if I needed a ride, I said I was okay to drive myself. It wasn’t until a few days later that I though maybe had a responded differently, he would had asked for my number or to see me again. My playing it cool/being completely oblivious that he may be interested in more than just my safety getting home was lost on me. I also totally check out the hot guys in the Starbucks line every morning. But all I do is look. Would it kill me to smile? See if I get a smile back? It won’t kill me to be friendly and smile and who knows what a smile could lead to? At least it’s me putting myself out there with a smile that says “hello” but could also say “you look pretty good for 8 AM without having a cup of coffee.”

Actually, don't do something this stupid

Moral of the story. I suck at making my feelings or intentions known, so please keep this in mind when dealing with me Just trust me when I say I’m working on it. Hopefully the more comfortable with you I become, the easier it will be for me to NOT play it cool, to smile at you, to not walk away after 15 seconds, to flirt with back. But just in case, if you want to tattoo your feelings or intentions on your forehead first, that’d be greatly appreciate. Sure, it may hurt a little, but it’s probably less painful than watching me try and play it cool.

Xo,
Your Future Wife

Psychic predictions…or lack thereof

6 Dec

Dear Future Hubby,

When December rolls around, all the favorite television shows start to go on the holiday hiatus and I’m forced to watch ridiculously bad shows or DVD box sets until new episodes come on in January. When I say “bad shows” I don’t mean like What Not To Wear or RW/RR Challenges. No, no. I mean really bad. Like Giuliana and Bill. Yeah. That’s right. I admitted it. I recently got sucked into an episode of Giuliana and Bill and while I would like to bill the Style network and make them give me back one hour of my life, the episode actually made me think of you.

This is clearly the psychic I need to go to

Yes, I know that’s odd and sounds a little crazy, but hear me out. During the episode I was watching Giuliana have drinks with some girlfriends and of course they end up talking about guys.  Nothing out of the ordinary here, until one of her friends mentions that she had recently gone to a psychic who told her that she was going to end up with someone she already knew. My reaction? Shit. What if that happens to me?

Going to the psychic part would be cool, yes, and my friend Val and I have made it our goal to hopefully go to one after the New Year, but ending up with someone I already know? I immediately start going through my list of single guy friends and trying to figure out how much Future Hubby potential they actually have?

Double Threat : He still live all the way across the country. He still rarely talks to me unless he gets drunks and sees our freshman year English professor. I secretly have always hoped that one day he’d show up on my door step and say “I’m an idiot. I screwed up. I want to be with you” and then I’d go around the corner and do a little dance like Laura Linney does in Love, Actually when she’s about to bag Rodrigo Garcia.  However, recently DT even forgot my birthday: an event that no matter how long it’s been since we’ve communicated, he always called or texted on. FH Potential: 10%

J-Squared: He also still live all the way across the country (anyone else seeing a pattern here?) but I have to give the guy credit. He has that sixth sense about when I had just about forgotten him and popped back up. Well done, you. However, flirting is all it’s ever been and even though I did marry him in a random game of MASH that Val and I played on Saturday night (don’t judge) I don’t have bleached blond hair, a fake tan, and fake boobs, which is exactly his type based off of every picture I’ve ever seen of him with other girls. FH Potential: 15%

Premiere Pal: Currently dating someone else, currently still sending mixed signals, currently still incredibly dense. He’s quickly turning into another an emotional pseudo-boyfriend, which sorry, the role has already been filled in my life, so thanks for playing. However, the currently sending mixed signals gives me a minor glimmer of hope that one day, he might change his mind. FH Potential: 30%

Emotional Psuedo-Boyfriend: Been dating someone else for almost a year and we’re too the point now that he annoys me half the time. We’d probably kill each other within the first 10 minutes. FH Potential: 3%

My Favorite Mistake: A really, really “poor life choice” from my college years who has oddly enough turned into a pretty decent friend. Out of all the above, he’s probably 3rd in the Friend competition and that’s only behind Premiere Pal and EPB.  Sad thing is, said poor life choice has put me in the position that I would never ever admit it IF I started to like him again and I’m sure the feeling is mutual. FH Potential: 11%

I'm sad for myself that I watched this

Clearly, if I walk into the psychic and hear what the girl on G&B heard, I’d probably laugh in her face. Out of the above, the highest percentage anyone got was 30% and if someone is going to be FH, we’re going to need to get above the 50% mark. However, there could be some truth to it, especially since I’d ideally like to date someone who I’ve been friends with first. Damn you G&B for making me A: seriously debate about going to a psychic and B: planting a seed of doubt in my head about every single guy friend I have.

If you are somebody I already know, well, at least you probably aren’t shocked by my admitting to watching Giuliana and Bill. You most likely already know that and if we’re still friends even after that, you just earned even more brownie points.  There might just be hope for you yet.

Xo,
Your Future Wife

Select a freaking status!

8 Nov

Dear Future Hubby,

I can't believe I'm thanking a dude that wears sandals like that

I’d like to personally thank Mark Zuckerberg for inspiring this post. Yes. That’s right. Not you, but the Zuck, who is no doubt up in Palo Alto creating more useless ways to make Facebook more addicting while counting his billions Scrooge McDuck style.  Regardless, the Zuck has made it ridiculously easy for all mankind (at least the ones who believe in FB) to find out if A: the person they have a thing for is single or taken and B: if said person would even be interested in you to begin with.  That being said, I sincerely hope you not only have a Facebook account (this will make stalking each other during the early relationship stages much easier), but also that you take the time to help a girl out and update your “Relationship Status” and your “Interested In” sections.

I’m (almost) 27 years old. I do not have time to figure out if you have a girlfriend or not. I don’t have time to figure out if my gaydar is failing me. My life is already busy enough, so please don’t make me hunt around, all super spy style to try and figure these things out.

I’ve recently acquired two new guy friends. I say acquired cause it sounds like I picked them up at the flea market while purchased some vintage nightstands.  I met neither at a flew market, but it just makes them seem even that much cooler than they are. Both are good looking guys and I’m sorry, but when you’re (almost) 27 and hopelessly single, you can’t help but look at any guy you meet as a prospective Future Hubby. Even if they prove you wrong in the first thirty seconds.

Both newly acquired friends though kept me guessing for a while. While one was clearly straight and a total ladies man, his ability to flirt and make me feel like I was the most important girl in the room threw me off. For a few days, I actually thought “Hmmm, could Preppy McPrepperson really be in to me?” Sadly, once we became Facebook friends, I was informed he had a girlfriend. A long term girlfriend. Back to the drawing board we go. I would like to thank him thought to utilizing the Zuck’s idea to make it easier for me. I’m glad I did not waste more than a couple of days looking at Preppy as a potential male suitor, though I will admit he will always be easy on the eyes, girlfriend or not.

This screen IS your friend

Other newly acquired friend, Sir Laughs A Lot, isn’t as much of a fan of the Zuck’s idea though, despite having an FB profile. While Sir Laughy is clearly awesome, fun, and excellent at making me feel special, I was still torn between trying to figure out if he was gay or not. Certain things made me say yes, certain things made me say no, all of which could have easily been remedied by a simple updating of a facebook status.  I wouldn’t mind either way, but Sir Laughy just hasn’t known me long enough to know that my gaydar has been on the fritz for some months now.  I swear, I’ve looked into getting it fixed, but sadly the repair shop is failing me as well. It wasn’t until he finally flat out said he had a thing for another guy friend of ours that was I completely convinced that yes, my gaydar is in fact a complete and total failure. But now I have a new gay friend to make me feel awesomespice when I’m feeling craptastic.

So take note of the Facebook failures and non-failures above. Help a girl out and make it easier on us. We’re all in the same boat here. We know you try and figure out if a girl has a boyfriend or would even be interested as quickly as possible, so why not let us know if we’re wasting our time, sooner rather than later. Even if you select “It’s Complicated” at least that gives us SOMETHING to go on.

Xo
Your Future Wife

Curious about other cuties

8 Sep

Dear Future Hubby,

If you like me, does that mean you’re going to grill me about the other guys in my life? Is that your way of sizing up the competition?

Boys are confusing. Yes, I’m stating the obvious for every single girl ever, but it’s true. I just don’t understand why boys do some things. I’ve recently noticed a friend of mine, a guy friend, doing something…a little bizarre in my opinion, and I’m not exactly sure what to make of it. One of my closest guy friend, let’s dub him Premiere Pal, has been inquiring a lot about other guys in my life, if I’m seeing someone, how that date with so and so went.

Nick likes Trish. Norah's with Tal. They like each other. For the love of god can they just date each other?

Premiere Pal and I have been friends for about a year now and I’ll admit, when I first met him, I got a little bit of a crush on him. However, at the time, he was totes taken. Major fail, indeed.  I moved on though and we remained close friends, talking almost daily. He’s been really supportive throughout the past year and everything that has gone on, which honestly, is nice to have when you’re single and you’ve become slightly bitter cause life is always a little easier when you have someone to share it with. Then, a few months ago, he became single. Say what??? Yeah, that’s right. It was kind of awesome, until I realized he may have had a thing for another one of our friends. A girl just can’t win, can she?  So I again, got over it, moved on, but was still super tight with him.

However, over the course of the past month or so, we’ve actually gotten to be closer, and his feelings towards our other friend have changed, or so he tells me.  Almost every time we talk now, or go out form drinks, or find ourselves at the same party, he inevitably brings up guys in my life. Being such a close friend, I have divulged quite a bit to him about my love life, so needless to say, he has a lot of ammo, but dude, there are tons of other things you can talk about with me. I can’t even count how many time he has brought up Current Crush. He never used to care this much about who I liked or who I was dating, so what’s the deal? Why do guys go that?

This is the part where any girl would begin to over analyze.  Does this mean he likes me? Why is he so curious? Does he want to go on a double date or something? Is he just hoping I find someone to date so he can have another guy friend around? Of course I do secretly hope that the answer to the first question is yes, but then again, I don’t want to get my hopes up. I did that when I first met him and he was taken. I did that when he and his girlfriend broke up, and then he went after someone else. Either third times the charm or I just need to move on. So until then, I’m just not going to read in to. As another friend just told me, don’t read into it because then if he likes you, you will be pleasantly surprised. Sure, I may have already starting going “What does it all mean?” but I can let it go. Better late than never.

Just don’t keep asking me the same questions over and over. Current Crush is still going to live across the country. Double Threat is still going to be a douche and only reach out to me when drunk in a bar. I’m still going to be weirded out going on a first date with anyone from okcupid. Music Guy is still going to blow me off despite seeming like he wanted to go out again.  If you keep asking, I may get so annoyed that I won’t even care anymore if your interrogation actually means that you are just sizing up the competition in the hopes of one day asking me out.

Xo,
Your Future Wife

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