Dear Future Hubby,
I’m not going to lie. I’m not really an outdoorsy sort of girl.
I don’t like camping. I suck at hiking. My idea of taking part in any winter sports is making snow angels. I felt that you should know this about me so when I do one day become overzealous and say “let’s go hiking”, you can kindly remind me that I’ll be dying after 2.5 seconds.
This will never be me
As you know, my ongoing quest to find you has taken me back to the online dating world of okcupid. I’m determined to give it a chance after knowing several people who have found their mate on there, no matter how much it weirds me out. In looking through profiles and talking to people, I’m come to realize I may be completely screwed when it come to finding someone. It seems like every guy I talk to has a picture of them skiing or lists rock climbing as one of their favorite activities. What about rock climbing is fun? Skiing equals cold and I sit with a heater on under my desk, even during the summer. Part of me in convinced guys put these pictures up to make them seem like total badasses. It doesn’t. It makes me seriously debate about if I should even talk to you for the soul fact that I would never be caught dead doing any of those things. If that is a real representation of who they are as a person, I’m not so sure we’re going to be a match made in heaven.
Point in case, I’ve been talking to this guy on OKC who told me he had spent last weekend in Yosemite camping. That set off a red flag right there. However, I’m trying to give this whole thing a benefit of the doubt and kept talking to him. I politely asked if he had done any hiking while up there which, of course, he responded with a paragraph about his hiking excursions while in the park over the weekend. All of them. Every trail. Every waterfall. I’m pretty sure I either fell asleep reading it or starting eating a candy bar to counteract all the calories in the universe he had burned off while being outdoorsy.
Phyllis Nefler knows how to camp correctly
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for physical activity. The only problem is my idea of working up a sweat is kicking it at 24 hour Fitness for an hour after work each night while I watch old episodes of LOST. I have gone through phases of where I think that I can be an outdoorsy sort of girl, however, I’m quickly reminded that I should just stick to an elliptical in an air conditioned environment. I’ve tried running around my neighborhood after work only to remember about a half a block down that my shin splints flair up when I run on asphalt or cement. I’ve tried to go hiking which turned into a excursion where we almost got bitten by rattlesnakes, we didn’t bring enough water, and I forgot that I have to eat protein every three hours. The whole time all I could think about was the fact that I was missing the Wimbledon semi-final. I don’t like camping. I don’t like getting dirty. Sleeping on the ground in a tent does not appeal to me in any way. When I went away to summer camp, I went to what we now affectionately called “Princess Camp.” We slept in dorms at a boarding school. We took classes like ceramics, cooking, and creative writing. We ate catered food. The only outdoor class I think I took was swimming and diving. How I ever made it through Girl Scouts not being the least bit outdoorsy is beyond me.
So FH, I’m super sorry if you’re outdoorsy, but I’m not. I’m not sure I will ever be. I’m fine if you want to spend your weekends hiking or base jumping or doing a triathlon, but you have to be cool with me just going to the gym and then having “outdoor time” at the beach with a good book and an even better playlist. Everyone needs a little sunshine and fresh air. I just prefer not to be attacked by snakes or breaking a knee while doing so.
Xo,
Your Future Wife
