Dear Future Hubby,
If you don’t play a musical instrument, you should.
I only say this to make it easier for you to get my attention (or any girl’s attention) because I’m not going to lie…musicians are hot. Even if they really aren’t that hot, the fact that they can rock it out like no other up on a stage and croon their little hearts out, well, that makes them hot. I swear, every single musician I know or have liked, the fact that they make music only makes me more attracted to them. Some dude could also not be the pick of the litter and still manage to make a girl wet her knickers.
Chris from ‘N SYNC…not hot AT ALL, but clearly tons of girls thought that black and white braids were way hotter than Justin Timberlake’s afro. I was a Justin girl, just to set the record straight. John Mayer…total douche, yet strap a guitar around his neck and make him sing every song that reminds me of Double Threat, and I’m definitely thinking he’s super sexy. Glen Hansard from The Swell Season…older guy, total ginger, a little rough around the edges, but so freaking ass hot when he starts singing that it gives me chills. All three members of Hanson…looked like girls when they first started (though they’ve all become pretty hot now) but girls were throwing bras and them and buying Eggo boxes because they were on the front. Edward from Twilight…oh wait, he is hot, but he also played the piano in the books (and RPattz plays the guitar in real life) and that just makes him hotter. Justin Bieber…sings like a girl, his hair is too long and yet we can’t make it through a day without hearing about him online or on the radio or on tv. Dude, some deformed mutant man could play the damn kazoo and girls would be ripping his picture out of Big Bopper like he was JTT or something.
Point in case…
This past weekend, I headed to Vegas with a big group of friends for Bachfest 2010, celebrating the upcoming nuptials of the fab B-Swizzle and her Future Hubby Mike. For some reason, any time I go to Vegas with B-Swizzle, we always end up in a piano bar and this trip was no different. Numerous drinks into the night us girls stumbled into Don’t Tell Mama down on Fremont Street. Best. Idea. Ever. Old downtown Vegas has cheaper drinks and apparently….really, really hot piano players. We were all immediately taken by Spadoni (so not his real name, he wasn’t fooling anyone) the piano player. Not only was he totally rocking it up on stage, but he was extremely easy on the eyes. This was all probably exaggerated by the fact that we were all wasted, but who cares. Like I said earlier, if you play a musical instrument, you could look like Andre the Giant and we’d find you sexy. He wasn’t even annoyed with the fact that we pretty much stole the show for the rest of the evening in that place, busting out splits, interpretive dances, and even issuing him a fake police summons from my Hottie Cop summons book. Plus, he played “Part of Your World” from The Little Mermaid and let us sing it. Clearly that Spadoni is a keeper. Had we just walked into the bar though and he was sitting in the corner with some friends, we really wouldn’t have given him a second glance, but sit him behind a white baby grand piano and you’ve got every girl in the place all hot and bothered.
Ok, so maybe Spadoni really was hot. Maybe it wasn’t just the piano that made him hot. Actually, yes. Yes he was totally hot and he was wearing really tight pants. I totally would have noticed him across the room. But at the end of the day, the fact that he plays the piano makes him even hotter. It makes us girls think that any guy has a soulful/mysterious/slightly tortured in a sexy way thing about him. Girls like that.
So break out the triangle and start practicing your Ukulele solo cause if you start standing on the street corner strumming a little toon, you’re probably going to get laid.
Your Future Wife
(A little DFH maintenance. We’re officially switching domain names to www.dearfuturehubby.com, so if you follow the steady stream of sarcasm via RSS, please re-add the feed so you don’t miss out on any of the shenanigans.)