Tag Archives: Wedding Ceremony

Who doesn’t love a theme wedding?

28 Apr

Dear Future Hubby,

Jane Austen inspired wedding

How much would you hate me if I made us have a theme wedding?

Don’t worry. I’d hate myself too. Plus Gaelic Gala already has a theme (Ireland!), so why would we want to add another theme on top of it?   But speaking as a person who loves to throw and take part in theme parties (Girl Scout/Boy Scout, Breakfast for Dinner dinner party, Team BearCat, etc.), I’m surprised I haven’t opted to throw some crazy theme into Gaelic Gala.

I think back on all the things that I have been infatuated with through life and how crazy it would be if I had been getting married at that point in my life.  Gone with the Wind, Titanic, JTT, the Sound of Music. Could you have imagined if I forced you into any of the following?

Hanson wedding

  • First dance to “I Will Come to You”
  • Bridesmaids wearing long blonde wigs
  • A dart board with the Jonas Brothers on it (concept stealers!)
  • Mmmbop sing-a-long contest

‘N SYNC Wedding

  • First dance to “This I Promise You”
  • You would have an old school Justin afro

    Admit it, you want a Twilight wedding cake

  • Group dances to “Pop” and “Bye Bye Bye” instead of the “Electric Slide” and “The Macarena”

Twilight Wedding

  • You’d have to wear white make up to look like a vampire
  • Victorian dress like Bella’s
  • Color scheme of black, white, and red
  • A werewolf with the ring ties around his next as the ring bearer
  • The butt ass ugly ring Bella gets from Edward (Sorry S. Meyers, it’s fugly)

I honestly think the only theme wedding I would ever even CONSIDER, would be a Jane Austen/Regency era theme wedding, for the sole fact that it reeks of classic elegance. Sure, you’ll hate me when I force you to dress up like Mr. Darcy, I can rock an empire gown and a parasol,  you can ride up to the wedding on a horse, I can arrive in a carriage, you can negotiate a dowry with my father and not kiss me until we’re engaged, but this is the kind of bullshit you have to put up with when you are having a theme wedding. Deal with it.

The Jane Austen bridal party

Ok, so maybe I won’t go that far, but as you’ll come to learn about me, I love anything and everything Jane Austen related.  Let’s just hope that Coolclogher House reminds me enough of a Jane Austen novel that you won’t have to get all dressed up and jump in a lake like Colin Firth. Yeah, that would just be a total travesty…at least in your opinion.

Xo,

Your Future Wife

The Lord of the Dance is back!

22 Apr

Dear Future Hubby,

Shit just got real.

I’m always trying to think of ways to make Gaelic Gala even better than it already is. I know, how is that even possible as it’s already the coolest, rockstar destination wedding ever?  I mean, every single second of it is planned. What more can we cram in there? Well, I have no idea where we are going to fit this in, but I don’t care.  Gaelic Gala would not be complete without this.

No one rocks a headband like the Lord of the Dance

Hold on to your hats and don’t wet your knickers when I tell you this exciting news but…Michael Flatley is coming back to reprise his starring role in Lord of the Dance! No fucking joke, dude is going to rock the sequined bolero jacket once more and grace the world with his dancing presence. I literally flipped shit when I found this out. This is fate. We have to have him make an appearance at Gaelic Gala now, with the entire touring company. I know it’s not as exciting as if he had rejoined Riverdance, but Lord of the Dance has more flair to it anyway and what’s a wedding without flair.

I’ve been racking my brain as to how to incorporate him as much as possible and I think I’ve come up with some amazing options for us to pursue.

  1. Lord of the Dance show – This is a given. Sure, we’ll have to amend the week itinerary and maybe have a show for everyone a few nights before the wedding or maybe the night that everyone arrives, but I feel if we don’t have a show, we’ll be depriving all of guest of his magicalness. He’s like the David Blaine of the Irish dancing world.

    "Michael, you're an amazing dancer, and you're a great choreographer, but as a boyfriend... you kinda suck."

  2. Irish Dancing Lessons – We should contract him to give our guest Irish dancing lessons at some point during the week. Not only would everyone learn how to dance (aka look like idiots with legs flailing around) but he could also teach the guys the art of pulling off headbands and wearing jackets with no shirt on underneath. He’d also need to teach them how to properly wax/shave their chests, but they can do that after all the girls are off talking about how he’s the Irish David Hasselhoff.
  3. Contest Judging – After he teaches us all how to dance, Michael can be our honorary judge when on the night of the stag/hen party, we all get wasted and try to do an Irish jig at Danny Mann.  He’ll give out extra points if you dance on both the table and the bench. Then a few of the girls will swoon over him, get him drunk as well, and convince him to give an impromptu show with Gaelic Storm on stage. It’ll be the Irish version of going to a strip club.
  4. Flute performance – Did you know Michael Flatley plays the flute? Well, he does, so I would like for him to play said instrument during the ceremony. I mean, how romantic would it be to look over while we’re getting hitched to see Michael Flately rocking it out on a flute?  Pure magic, Kenny G style.

I’m open to any other ideas as to how to incorporate the Lord of the Dance into Gaelic Gala. I know I’ve already discuss have a Michael Flatley shaped cake, which given the fact that he’s now going to be dancing his little heart out for us, might be overkill. But who knows?

Just promise me you won’t get jealous of him. I mean, he is part David Hasselhoff, part David Blaine, part Keebler elf, so it’s hard to compete with that. But I assure you that I’m marry you because I love you and I don’t think I could ever truly fall in love with someone who looks better in sequences and bling than me.

Xo,

Your Future Wife

“President of the Michael Flatley Fan Club”

The Dollar Store Wedding

7 Apr

Dear Future Hubby,

Dollar Store Dishes

I know you think Gaelic Gala is totally extravagant and no doubt a waste of money, but I mean, if we win the lotto, why not go all out? However, if we don’t win the lotto and must resort to a more frugal wedding, I’ve discovered the most amazing place for us to outfit our ENTIRE wedding….

THE DOLLAR STORE

Yes, you read that right.  I know what you’re thinking. You only go to The Dollar Store when you are totally out of paper towels and a Costco run is out of the question because it’s crazy there and not within the hours that they offer good samples.  But I made a pilgrimage to The Dollar Store this past week with a family member who was buying some joke gifts for people and I discovered wedding heaven.

While perusing the aisle for useless things I would never buy, I came across a plethora of $1 wedding items that will no doubt make the entire wedding special. Things we can get at The Dollar Store for our back up thrifty wedding:

Dollar Store Invitations

Wedding Invitations AND Thank You notes: Looks at the craftsmanship in the lovely white cards with chipping gold and silver printing. One stop shopping for all your wedding paper needs.

Dishes: We can serve all of our treats and meals at the wedding on fabulous plastic plates and champagne glasses, designed to make everyone feel like a king or queen. Plus, our cake will look amazeballs with a great faux porcelain cake topper. Classy.

Dollar Store Decorations

Decorations: We’re talking tissue paper bells, plastic mini doves, tulle circles, heart shaped paper centerpieces, automobile flags, paper garlands, even little bags for the almonds. Every single aspect of our wedding will be covered. I just hope someone doesn’t rip the paper garlands or steal the center pieces. Those are going to be costing a fortune.

Dollar Store Props

Ceremony props: Um, how cute would our ring bearer be walking down the aisle while rocking one of these uber fancy ring bearer pillows.  I bet it’s so nice he could even use it for when he falls asleep on the ground (which a lot of ring bearers eventually do).

Wedding Attire: Ok, I don’t care if I get a rash from rocking a Dollar Store garter, I got it for a dollar. How rockstar is that?  Plus, I bet if we raided the kids costume aisles of enough Dollar Stores, we could absolutely come up with enough costumes to sew together and make my dress and your tux.  I’m apologizing in advance if the various colors of black we don’t match as they’ve no doubt faded over time in the horrible fluorescent lit aisle of TDS.

Dollar Store Wedding Attire

So start saving up, cause we’re going to need at least $50…no, $100 for our shopping excursion to The Dollar Store. You do that while I keep praying we win the lotto so we can make Gaelic Gala happen.

Xo,

Your Future Wife.

Team Wedding Planner

8 Mar

Dear Future Hubby,

We are having a wedding planner, end of story. I know what you’re thinking. Why hire someone to help plan our wedding when my Type A personality is going to overtake her and I’m just going to do everything myself? I’ll tell you why. Because it’s fucking exhausting.

See, the thing about me is I LOVE to plan parties. I love entertaining, I love cooking for people, I love everyone gathering and having a glass of wine. Not to toot my own horn, but I kind of rock at being a host. However, this can be beyond exhausting. Last night, I hosted my annual Oscar party which turned out wonderful. Tons of people, tons of food, tons of screaming in joy when The Hurt Locker won. The problem was about halfway through the ceremony I wanted to go to sleep. At one point, I’m pretty sure I dozed slightly leaning against the door jam. Pathetic. I had been shopping, cooking, cleaning all weekend that by the time the actual ceremony rolled around and our living room filled up with gobs of people, I was too exhausted to enjoy it and struggling to just make sure we had enough food and everyone was having a good time. Not to say that I didn’t have a good time, I did, but I would have liked to enjoy it a little more and not be falling asleep in my drink.

Every wedding planner should have a Secret Service headset

This WILL NOT be happening at our wedding. If a weekend Oscar party can knock me out and make me feel like I’ve been run over by a truck, then Gaelic Gala is sure to do me in. I want to enjoy our wedding, have fun, not be the one running around worrying about if there is enough food, if people are having a good time, did the florist show up yet, etc. That is why we will have a wedding planner. I, and you of course, will be there to consult on every single step, but if I had to make decisions and then execute every single one of them, we’d be getting married with me hooked up to an IV for dehydration while in a hospital bed. So not sexy.

I say this very easily now, but please note that you will have to help me with this. I do have a tendency to want to control everything and just do things myself. Please pry my fingers away from everything. Think about all the great things our wedding planner can help with.

He/She can make sure that our wedding party has ordered their attire so we won’t have to chase people down. He/She can get hopefully better deals with vendors for flowers, locations, photography, etc because of relationships she has established in her career thus far. He/She can make sure the reception is being set up while we are free to just get ready for the ceremony. He/She can make sure I remember to do things that I would otherwise forget, like who to thank at the reception, who still needs to be paid, who I need to blame for stepping on my dress and ripping it. That sort of thing. He/She can help me keep my sanity. I’m one kick ass multi-tasker and one hell of a party planner but when it comes to my wedding, I’d probably lose my mind.

So jump on board Team Wedding Planner. Jennifer Lopez made it look cool, and rarely does Jennifer Lopez make anything look cool, so why the hell shouldn’t we have one? I swear it will be worth the money because you do not want to start our marriage off with a completely fried wife who wants to sleep for a week. Actually, I’ll probably still want do that as I’ll be stressed that I have given up control when executing things for GG, but it’ll hopefully be coax me out of a my sleep coma.

Something to look forward to.

Xo,
Your future wife

Photo Source

Rhinestone hearts and a bird on a stick

3 Mar

Dear Future Hubby,

You will be happy to know that I’m not really a flower girl. This will no doubt save you lots of money when we are dating as I’ll actually be ok with you NOT sending me roses on Valentine’s Day or my birthday. Sure, I admit it’s nice just to get flowers out of the blue from a guy and they always look lovely, but here’s a little secret. I suck at keeping plants alive. As soon as I get flowers, I put them in a vase, but their care past that is simply beyond my capabilities. I don’t know how you’re supposed to cut them, I always spill the little powder food you’re supposed to put in the water, and within a couple days I’ve killed the poor things. I once had to take care of a money tree for my old boss for two weeks. It’s probably one of the easiest plants to ever care for, but I almost killed it.

Perfection

It would be much more my style to walk down the aisle carrying something else like a Starbuck’s cup or my cell phone, as those are more representative of me, but for our wedding, I assure you that for one day, and one day only, I will be a flower girl.

Me taking on this challenge as to not kill every single flower the day of our wedding will be exhausting, no doubt, but I am willing to take it on in hopes that I can avoid spilling coffee down my dress or being on a conference call midway down the aisle. My bouquet will be gorgeous, simple, elegant, and well…me.

Attack of the killer bouquet

There are a few things I refuse to do when it comes to my flowers though. I know, I know. What right do I have to be picky about my flowers when I have a horrible green thumb? I should be lucky that some florist is going to let me near her beautiful creation. However, it’s is our wedding and at the end of the day, I’m going to be picky.

I refuse to carry a bouquet of flowers that has a trail of vines coming out of it. I do not understand people who have flowers that go longer than their wedding dress train. I’d be terrified I’d step on it, or it’d get some sort of grass like stain on my dress, or it’d look like my arm was being eaten alive by monster vines.

Cheeseball X-Treme

I refuse to have any “flair” in my bouquet. I do not want a little wooden bird on a stick, rhinestones shaped heart or bundles of straw. The only acceptable accessory would be a paper umbrella and a straw and only if somewhere in the middle of my bouquet is a margarita. Nothing says “Yay, I’m getting married!” like walking down the aisle drinking while “Margaritaville” plays.

This has to weight 15 lbs

I refuse to carry something that has a million different flowers in it. It’s too busy and distracting from what I’m hoping will be a simple and elegant affair. Also, when you start adding millions of flowers, the heavier the bouquet gets. Speaking as a bridesmaid who has had to hold the bride’s flowers one too many times, massive bouquets are a workout. It’s better than going to the gym. I do not want to be doing reps with my flowers as I walk down the aisle, nor do I want to force one of my bridesmaids to have to carry not only her flowers, but a really heavy bouquet as well.

We’re going for simple, minimal, elegant. At the end of the day, you don’t want people watching you walk down the aisle saying “Oh, those flowers are gorgeous, but the bride…eh.” Keep this in mind for if you ever do send me flowers as well, but just remember, you may just want to invest in some fake flowers instead.

Love,
Your Future Wife

Photo Source
Photo Source

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 34 other followers